


Nights Like These

by CptnRuski



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Crying, Loneliness, M/M, Pining, Sadness, So much angst, remembering what it was like to be loved, so much crying, this is just a massive feels trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 21:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13490004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CptnRuski/pseuds/CptnRuski
Summary: "The sweetest remembrances placated him for a while, thoughts of soft touches, caresses, laughter... thoughts of what it was like to be loved."Michal made a mistake, one that cost him the only true happiness he ever knew.





	Nights Like These

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry in advance, I was sad and so I had to write sad things.  
> I've been having a loot of feelings about Holts and Neuvy recently. Expect some happy stories featuring them within the next few months as an apology for this.  
> Thanks to arionriot for betaing this in like, 5 minutes. I churned it out in an hour and I plan on trying to post at least one short story a week from now on.  
> Also I really do take the time to read every comment y’all write and I love hearing back from you guys on stories so please leave comments! It motivates me to keep going haha!

It’s nights like these that he remembers. His brain goes on overdrive, filling his thoughts with memories. Sweet, bitter-sweet, and sour.

 

God were some sour.

 

The sweetest remembrances placated him for a while, thoughts of soft touches, caresses, laughter... thoughts of what it was like to be loved. The bitter-sweet ones usually followed, the soft, tear filled nights where they desperately tried to make it work, to reassure each other that nothing was wrong… that they weren’t  wrong.

 

Then.

 

Then there were the sour moments.

 

The arguments, the yelling, the _screaming._

 

He knew they were his fault. He never dreamed of blaming the beautiful, sweet auburn haired man that had been his partner for so long. All that man wanted was to bring the lonely Czech happiness and love.

 

He’d let that kind man down.

 

Michal had let him down.

 

It was all his fault.

 

They had been so good together, they really had, but he’d gone and put the strain on them, on their relationship. He wanted the glory, the attention, the fame. His beautiful Braden hadn’t.

 

His beautiful Braden who wasn’t _his_ Braden anymore.

 

God, how Michal longed for those nights where Braden wrapped himself around the Czech and whispered and promised nothing could tear them apart. He longed for just a touch, a reassurance. He longed for nights where Braden would press him into the mattress and treat him so well, give him everything he needed until he _sobbed_.

 

He longed for love.

 

All he ever wanted was love.

 

Braden had given it to him, he’d given Michal _everything._ Michal had squandered it all.

 

Moonlight filtered in through the windows he’d left uncurtained that evening as the dark thoughts came.

 

He was worthless, horrid, good for nothing. He was a terrible, _terrible_ man. He really was.

 

The moonlight was pure, untampered beauty. It was soft and lovely, just like Braden.

 

He’d never deserved such a wonderful person in his life. He didn’t deserve him, and when he was given that amazing Canadian boy, he hadn’t even treated him right.

 

Hershey had been amazing. Not just for him and for Braden, but for _them._

 

They’d spent most of their time apart from the team together. They’d lived together, they’d eaten together, they’d shopped together, they’d adventured together, _they’d slept together._ Michal would more often than not wake up plastered to the Canadian’s side. Braden was always warm at night and Michal was cold. It seemed natural that he’d migrate to the younger man’s side when he’d slept.

 

He’d been cold since he’d asked for the trade.

 

All that time spent together had come at a cost. Rumors were common place, Michal was uncomfortable with them. Braden was as well, but to a lesser degree. The younger man was desperate to tell the others, he wanted to share his love for Michal with the team, with his friends, _with the world_ … and Michal had denied him that.

 

One evening after a game, Braden’s parents had been in town. Braden wanted nothing more than for Michal to come with him, he wanted to introduce his parents to his partner. _He’d been so excited._

 

Michal remembered the heartbroken look in Braden’s eyes when he’d declined.

 

All Braden wanted to do was make him happy.

 

Michal didn’t want the rumors to get worse, he didn’t want people to _know._

 

He’d thought at the time it would ruin his career, who in the league could have _wanted_ a gay man on their team? No less a gay man dating a teammate.

 

Braden had kept quiet for his sake.

 

Braden had suffered silently _for his sake_.

 

When Michal was called _permanently_ to Washington that fateful season, he had been ecstatic. Braden was so proud of him, he’d _made it._

 

Braden visited nearly every day he had off.

 

Michal never visited him back in Hershey.

 

When Braden started getting call ups, Michal panicked. What if people saw how they interacted? What if they found out?

 

One night when Braden had been coasting off a win, the Canadian had pulled Michal to a back room. All he’d wanted was a kiss, he’d wanted to celebrate.

 

Michal had hissed about how someone would see them and that they couldn’t risk being caught or they’d be done.

 

Braden had cried that night.

 

He’d left the party early and Michal had found him later at home. A collection of emptied bottles of alcohol; beer, liquor, the hard stuff… Braden had been sobbing.

 

_“I just wanted to share how excited I was with you.”_

 

Braden lost his shit for the first time that night. Michal had never seen him so angry, so broken, so _hurt._ He’d yelled and cried for so long. Michal on the other hand stayed quiet.

 

When Braden woke up the next morning, he’d apologized profusely. Michal remained quiet, knowing he was the one who owed Braden an apology, but for some reason he couldn’t get it out.

 

The arguments came more frequently in the next months.

 

Braden became the savior of Washington before his eyes in the coming seasons. Michal took it out on him. He took it all out on him.

 

Braden hadn’t deserved it. He’d never deserved the bitterness and anger Michal directed at him.

 

But Braden... dear, sweet, kind, lovely Braden, had done his best to hold them together. He hugged and kissed Michal at every opportunity at home. He’d reassured Michal he was happy, that he was fine staying in the closet for him, he wanted Michal to be happy.

 

Michal should have worked harder to make him happy too.

 

Braden had given him everything. He’d given him his love, he’d given him his heart, he’d given him a home, a _place_ in the world _._

 

Michal had started to barely give him the time of day.

 

It was the night of their anniversary when it happened. Braden had taken him out to dinner, showered him in flowers and gifts, and had done up their bedroom in candles and rose petals. Michal’s heart broke the moment Braden laid him down on the bed and kissed him with all the love he could muster.

 

When Braden pulled out the ring, Michal froze.

 

The Canadian started tripping over words, smiling softly, face getting redder and redder with blush.

 

_“Michal Neuvirth would you do me the honor of-”_

 

_“I asked for a trade.”_

 

Braden sat in silent shock for an eternity. His mouth open just slightly and his eyes wide in confusion that morphed into disbelief that changed to heartbreak.

 

Michal would never forget the look on Braden’s face. It was etched into his memory so deeply, so horribly, that Michal felt tears sting his eyes even now.

 

Michal had thrown away the greatest and most wonderful thing in his life that night.

 

He’d thrown away years of love and trust and comfortability they had worked hard to build. He’d thrown away the only thing that had ever managed to crack the shell of isolation he’d built around himself.

 

Braden had sobbed and screamed his way through the night. Harder than Michal thought he’d ever had in him. He’d sat in stunned silence as Braden lost the composure he was so well known for. Braden sputtered his way through trying to find an explanation, telling the Czech that all he'd ever wanted was to keep Michal happy and safe. 

 

Michal had left wordlessly.

 

He hadn’t even said goodbye.

 

He hadn’t had a conversation with Braden since that night.

 

It had been years since then, and it was still a fresh scar in his mind.

 

From Buffalo, to the City, to Philly, his own betrayal had followed him.

 

He wanted to be Braden's equal.

 

He'd left.

 

He knew he was the one to fuck it up.

 

Braden had never done anything to hurt him.

 

Braden only wanted him to be happy. He’d sacrificed everything for Michal and Michal…

 

The moonlight slowly disappeared as thunder rolled in the distance. Michal hated thunder. Michal hated being alone and frightened whenever a storm rolled overhead. It was a stupid fear really, but he couldn’t do anything to combat it. Braden used to hold him through every thunderstorm when they were together. He’d pull Michal close and hum softly, sing softly in his ears, always some silly Canadian hipstery sounding song, but it never failed to cheer Michal up.

 

Michal looked to his phone on his bedside table, it was close to 3 am, no chance anyone on the east coast should be awake.

 

And yet, Michal felt the phone pull him in.

 

He needed to do this.

 

He had to do this.

 

For five years he hadn’t been able to do it, but something was coming over him. Something in him was breaking.

 

He couldn’t live like this any longer.

 

As he unlocked the phone and pulled up the once so familiar contact, red and blue hearts still surrounding the name, Michal felt the hot salty tears falling from his eyes.

His breaths were uneven, ragged as he pressed the phone number.

 

The phone began to ring.

 

And it rung.

 

And it rung.

 

_And it rung._

 

Michal felt his heart sink, his tears falling harder now. God why had he done this? Why was he doing this? All that could come of this would be misery, more than he could handle.

 

Oh god why did he do this to himself? Why would he-

 

“... _Michal?_ ” Was the soft, groggy, disbelieving voice that came over the speaker.

 

Michal had never cried so hard in his life.

 

“Yeah Braden, it’s me.”


End file.
